EFL Equipped for Life
Counselling, Coaching and Educating
Relationships
are not what we do, it is part of who we are.
When our loving relationship is dysfunctional, we struggle to function in most areas of life.
How counselling can help relationships
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Our role is to help you discover what you may have lost, identify the strength you possess, and provide you with tools, skills and support when you struggle. It is our privilege to watch you rebuild your relationship and restore your lives according to
your goals.
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Provide you with a safe space to share your concerns and hear the other person also in a nonjudgmental environment without blaming or shaming.
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The counsellor is able to help you identify the root cause through skilful effective communication.
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The coach will support you through guided conversation to help you separate the problems from the actual relationship itself.
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A trained counsellor can help you to identify unmet needs in each other's lives and within your relationship as a couple, and help prevent sabotaging relationship which you have invested your life in.
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A relationship coach is trained and skilled in communication and relating skills and developing strategies best suited for you.
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Both counsellors and coaches will provide you with useful tools and strategies to manage existing issues and prevent future misunderstanding.
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A coach is there to encourage, support and empower you, championing you through tough times.
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A coach can help you with strategies and skills to manage your relationships and champion you and support you along the way.
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They work through understanding that each person and their relationship is unique and mindful of identifying an approach that fits you. With this in mind, the sessions are tailored to the needs of the individual, identifying what is right for you. Read more
HOW TO TURN DISAGREEMENTS INTO OPPORTUNITIES FOR IMPROVING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.
I am yet to meet two people in a relationship who haven’t argued or disagreed about something. It is almost impossible for two different people to agree on everything. But the real problem begins when a couple disagrees about important areas in life such as finances, children, intimacy etc.
One of the common complaints of my clients is “we can’t agree on anything lately”.
Have you ever felt this way? Or do you feel there are more disagreements than agreements in your relationship lately? Here are a few simple tips to get the best out of disputes.
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Understanding each other and self.
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Remember you are two different people who grew up in two different homes with two different families. You are going to have different ways of doing things in some areas of life. It is healthy to have and be able to share a different view of some things. Find a balance and learn from each other’s experiences.
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Be interested to find out much as possible about your spouse/partner’s life by talking to them. Most people like to forget about the hurtful experiences in their past. That includes me. However, our subconscious mind does not forget the emotions we once felt. Simple things can trigger those emotions and impact our present life.
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Notice what the other person disagrees with and how the topic makes them feel, and remember that they may not be able to see a situation the same way as you do, not because they don’t care about what you think. Their mind is simply programmed to do things differently. Take these opportunities to get to know them better and learn new, and better ways of communicating and doing things.
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Now ask yourself why to do I feel the way I do, or why do this thing matter so much to me? What purpose does this serve by having it my way? What would be the worst scenario if this was not done the way I think it should be done? Is this just a pattern that I am used, to and what happens if I let it be done in a different way? Pros and cons? This is a generalised viewpoint, there may be some cases where one person is absolutely correct, and the other may need some guidance.
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Keep in mind that you are part of each other’s lives. Notice each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and make it a priority to build each other up whenever you can.
Communication strategies to reduce arguments
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Speak to each other with respect and avoid sarcasm.
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Choose a time you are both relaxed to talk about important topics.
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Notice the tone of your voice.
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You can also agree with each other that when one person is raising their voice to the other, one can give them a signal to say “lower your tone”. This could be a hand gesture or just tapping on something. Best to not use words as it may come across aggressive.
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If you cannot agree on something say that you need a minute to think about this and ask yourself the check the questions above.
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Agree upon taking turns on who gets to decide not so serious decisions such as which movie to watch, or where to go on holidays.
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Notice each other’s mood and check in regularly that everything is Ok. Words are so powerful; we say and do things without thinking sometimes and we may not realise the impact of what we say.
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Life is so busy; we can keep on going and not realise that we are not Ok until there is a disagreement and one of you blows up. We need to service our relationship like we service our cars.
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Find something you can be thankful about at the end of the day, be appreciative.
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Apologise for anything you may have said or done without thinking, and say I love you. Read more
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